I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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