so explain again why im purple
no
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
