Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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