So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
