How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
