Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
