Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
