You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
