i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
