No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
