dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
