sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
