I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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