The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
