Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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