she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
