Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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