i jhust puked up my retainher.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
