he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
