I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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