i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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