i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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