I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
