You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
