are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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