I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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