I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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