my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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