Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
