just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize