This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
