Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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