just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I FOUND THE LEGS
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
