I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
