Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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