The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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