I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
