Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Also, beer. Big fan.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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