if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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