I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
