im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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