I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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