East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
