No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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