Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
