I feel like I'm in dance class right now
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
