True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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