ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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