sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
