They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
