I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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