is wine microwaveable?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
