that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
