pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
