p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
