He is an equal opportunity slut.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
