all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
