I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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