Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
