I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
