Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
