and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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