come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
